October 2, 2010

Rare Species

Ecclesiastical researcher Colin Coward has published an important report on a previously identified, but extremely furtive and secretive form of Anglican wildlife, thought by many to be very rare (although no one knows how rare due to the aforementioned furtiveness). The shy and reclusive mammal belongs to the family Anglicanæ, genus Episcopus, and the species is denominated E. closeti after its normal habitat. Efforts are being made, via changes in attitude, at promoting greater knowledge of the species, or at least its visibility. A few very rare specimens have turned up in the U.S. and South Pacific, but their existence in Britain is only rumored or relies upon anecdotal evidence. Some researchers from the Global South believe the creature to be entirely legendary, akin to the Great Cat of Clough, and dismiss rumors of sightings as cryptozoology gone wild.

We eagerly await the next report!

Tobias Stanislas Haller BSG

8 comments:

Grandmère Mimi said...

What should I do if I happen to meet up with a member of the species on my next visit to England? I'll surely be more cautious when I open closet doors.

Tobias Stanislas Haller said...

You are likely safe, Mimi, as when discovered they tend to cower for a bit and back away further into the closet, almost, as someone said, reaching Narnia. When sufficiently riled, they can engage in ferocious denial, but are otherwise harmless.

The greatest damage they do to the ecclesiastical ecosystem is actually caused by their furtiveness and withdrawing tendencies. This is ironic, but the pattern of behavior has led to persistent homophobia, which when internalized (and sometimes external) can be lethal.

I'd better stop because this isn't really funny. Laughing in the face of tragedy, me...

Grandmère Mimi said...

I'd better stop because this isn't really funny. Laughing in the face of tragedy, me..

Tobias, sometimes we need a laugh, or two, to go on.

David |Dah • veed| said...

Did Colin not mention two genera, or at least a subgenus? The 3 primates.

One is not so closeted, but just very quiet. He lives down my way. He has been outed by the Viagravillians a number of times.

JCF said...

Heh!

Tobias Stanislas Haller said...

Dahveed, I think the Primate of E. closeti is actually simply a breed, rather than a different species. They are larger, sometimes noisier, but at the same time even more reclusive.

GM, thanks...

Dharmashaiva said...

Mammalian families take the Latin "-ae" form: "Anglicanae", rather than "Anglicana".

Tobias Stanislas Haller said...

Dharmashaiva, many thanks. Of course "Mammalia" are female! Which reminds me of the famous 19th century definition of the species Homo sapiens: "Man is a primate noted for his large external breasts."

Will make the correction, and thanks for stopping by!